My cousin in law has a 2006 Ford Escape with 71,000 miles.
When locked, the car alarm goes off randomly. The other day, It went off, interupting my grandmother's funeral (made me and my girlfriend giggle a little)! How do I disconnect that stupid alarm?

if it's the factory alarm, you can't disconnect it. You would have to pay a mechanic to fix it, or just unplug the wiring to the horn and whatever other noise maker exists